Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Allah Kareem
Today I lost woolly buggers,parachute Adams, royal wullf, two beautiful mice, mrs Simpson, dad's favorite, greenwell glory, coc y bondhu and countless others. I pray that Allah protect me from things that I fear and replace these beautiful things into something more splendid. Me health, my iman, my life, my family. Ameen
Friday, December 14, 2012
Another one
10 Ways to Chase a New Direction in Your Life
by Stephanie Wetzel
Since graduating from high school, I have spent the last fourteen years on the “right track” for my big transition into adulthood.
I moved out, went to college, found a good job, and bought a house. I did everything I was expected to do. I worked long hours, chasing promotions and raises I didn’t care about. I dutifully planted myself in front of the television in the rare moments I was home, and filled my existence with all the normal stuff of modern life—debt, clutter and stress.
I just wanted my parents to be proud of me. So I chased what I had been told success looked like. Instead of finding what I was searching for, I discovered a constant stream of excess—too much work, too much stress, too much stuff—and I was drowning in it.
In the stillness of the night, blanketed by the never-ending comfort of darkness, I would begin to dream about the life I wanted to live. One filled with joy and peacefulness where I was doing work that mattered to me, pouring my energy into those I loved, and had the space to just breathe—pretty much the complete opposite of my current existence.
But instead of chasing the life I dreamed of, I kept chasing the one I didn’t want. I was scared of changing direction, scared of challenging what I had been taught to desire in life, and even more terrified by the idea of actually getting to live the life I dreamed about.
What life are you chasing?
When I started thinking about the changes that would need to happen in order for me to transition from one life to the other, the fears within me started to multiply. I thought about things like:
How do I go about changing?
What if I can’t do it?
What if I don’t like the things I thought I did?
How can I support myself and do this?
Am I too far along in life to even entertain the idea of changing it?
How can I just walk away from the “security” I have now?
The mere idea of change can be one of the scariest realities we face. When you are standing on the cusp, you have to dig deep within yourself to find ways to overcome the fear, doubt and worry. There is no one solution that works for everyone. It will be a lot of trial and error as you find your way along, but the more actions you take the more the confidence you gain.
You aren’t going to start out with all the right answers, or even a complete picture of where you want to end up. But I suspect, in the stillness of the night, that voice speaks to you loud and clear about the life you know you want to be living.
Here are 10 ways to help you start chasing a new direction:
1. Get clear about what you want. A boat that wanders aimlessly never reaches the shore. You need to have some direction to help guide you along the way. Some people start out with a complete picture, while others identify one or two things they want to change right now. Either way, you need to get clear about where you are going.
2. Start small. A danger zone exists when you get clear about where you want to be. You start to feel excited about the life you want to live, and then you try to change everything at once. You get exhausted, and you give up. Don’t set yourself up for falling back into your old life. Start with the smallest action you can take today and just do that.
3. Focus on what not how. If you continually focus on how you are going to accomplish massive transitions in your life, you will never begin taking those small actions. When you think about how, your mind can come up with all sorts of scenarios where you don’t reach the goal. This is not what you need to focus on. None of this matters today. Worrying about a future that will most likely never come to pass is a waste of both your time and energy.
Put your focus where it matters most—what do you want for your life? Once you focus on the what, and start taking those small actions, the how will take care of itself.
4. Don’t think about how long it has been this way. I spent fourteen years working on my professional career, before I left it behind to write and run my own business. I spent twenty-three years overweight before I lost that first pound. Now I spend every day writing and running my own business. And to date, I have lost over 108 pounds.
It does not matter how long things have been this way in your life, today is the day that you can start to change. It just takes your unwavering commitment and one small action. Then repeat this step again tomorrow.
5. Create accountability for yourself. You cannot do this alone. (Trust me, I thought I could too!) You need people who know and support your efforts to keep you on track in this process. You need accountability that tomorrow you are going to keep pushing forward. You need people you can rely on when the going gets tough (because it will, that’s just life). You need someone to help you see things in a different way, to call you out on your excuses, and to keep you going when you’d rather give up.
Build yourself a support system, and let those who would question or undermine your efforts go along their way.
6. Don’t give in to the negative self-talk. My brain has this amazing talent wherein no matter what I do, it can point out all the ways in which I have failed. It tries desperately to convince me that I shouldn’t keep going; that it just wants me to be safe.
Phooey! That inner dialogue is what is keeping you stuck in the first place. You are in control of your mind, not the other way around. Choose to look at things in a different perspective. Choose to keep your options open and your dreams alive. When the negative discussion starts, choose to be stronger than your thoughts.
7. Open yourself to possibility. If you close yourself off to the world, you are going to miss a lot of amazing things. Part of this process is allowing those past pains, those old mindsets and preconceived notions go. You need to create a sort of blank slate within yourself to begin reconstructing how you see the world.
8. Be willing to let things go. One of the biggest gifts you can give yourself in this process is freedom. By releasing the burden of your stuff, you will find that there is plenty of time and space to create the life you want to live.
Clearing out the physical clutter in your personal space is a great place to start. Take it 15 minutes at a time, room by room. Start with small actions and get the momentum building. This doesn’t just apply to our physical possessions, but our emotional ones as well. Focus on the number of commitments you have in your life, the things you feel that you have to do. Start thinking about all the stuff in your life, and what you can do to begin clearing it away.
9. Take care of yourself first. In the never-ending race we have created out of our lives, the first person we always neglect is ourselves. You can’t wait for the world to quiet down before you start focusing on your own well-being. Keeping such a frantic pace only leaves you exhausted and not of much use to the people depending on you. To be of great service to others, you must first take care of yourself.
10. Stop and reflect along the way. When you start implementing the first nine points on this list, you may find yourself caught in the momentum of change. Time passes quickly in our lives, and as we grow and change so too does our vision of the life we want to live. Make sure that you take time to simply reflect on what you have accomplished, where you are at right now, and where you are headed—then plan some small action steps for tomorrow.
Stephanie Wetzel is a writer and entrepreneur on a mission to help women overcome their weight and create the life they want to live. She has lost over 100 pounds by changing her habits, mindsets, and lifestyle. She believes in the power of commitment over diets, and blogs about it on Trading Pounds. You can also keep up with her on Twitter.
by Stephanie Wetzel
Since graduating from high school, I have spent the last fourteen years on the “right track” for my big transition into adulthood.
I moved out, went to college, found a good job, and bought a house. I did everything I was expected to do. I worked long hours, chasing promotions and raises I didn’t care about. I dutifully planted myself in front of the television in the rare moments I was home, and filled my existence with all the normal stuff of modern life—debt, clutter and stress.
I just wanted my parents to be proud of me. So I chased what I had been told success looked like. Instead of finding what I was searching for, I discovered a constant stream of excess—too much work, too much stress, too much stuff—and I was drowning in it.
In the stillness of the night, blanketed by the never-ending comfort of darkness, I would begin to dream about the life I wanted to live. One filled with joy and peacefulness where I was doing work that mattered to me, pouring my energy into those I loved, and had the space to just breathe—pretty much the complete opposite of my current existence.
But instead of chasing the life I dreamed of, I kept chasing the one I didn’t want. I was scared of changing direction, scared of challenging what I had been taught to desire in life, and even more terrified by the idea of actually getting to live the life I dreamed about.
What life are you chasing?
When I started thinking about the changes that would need to happen in order for me to transition from one life to the other, the fears within me started to multiply. I thought about things like:
How do I go about changing?
What if I can’t do it?
What if I don’t like the things I thought I did?
How can I support myself and do this?
Am I too far along in life to even entertain the idea of changing it?
How can I just walk away from the “security” I have now?
The mere idea of change can be one of the scariest realities we face. When you are standing on the cusp, you have to dig deep within yourself to find ways to overcome the fear, doubt and worry. There is no one solution that works for everyone. It will be a lot of trial and error as you find your way along, but the more actions you take the more the confidence you gain.
You aren’t going to start out with all the right answers, or even a complete picture of where you want to end up. But I suspect, in the stillness of the night, that voice speaks to you loud and clear about the life you know you want to be living.
Here are 10 ways to help you start chasing a new direction:
1. Get clear about what you want. A boat that wanders aimlessly never reaches the shore. You need to have some direction to help guide you along the way. Some people start out with a complete picture, while others identify one or two things they want to change right now. Either way, you need to get clear about where you are going.
2. Start small. A danger zone exists when you get clear about where you want to be. You start to feel excited about the life you want to live, and then you try to change everything at once. You get exhausted, and you give up. Don’t set yourself up for falling back into your old life. Start with the smallest action you can take today and just do that.
3. Focus on what not how. If you continually focus on how you are going to accomplish massive transitions in your life, you will never begin taking those small actions. When you think about how, your mind can come up with all sorts of scenarios where you don’t reach the goal. This is not what you need to focus on. None of this matters today. Worrying about a future that will most likely never come to pass is a waste of both your time and energy.
Put your focus where it matters most—what do you want for your life? Once you focus on the what, and start taking those small actions, the how will take care of itself.
4. Don’t think about how long it has been this way. I spent fourteen years working on my professional career, before I left it behind to write and run my own business. I spent twenty-three years overweight before I lost that first pound. Now I spend every day writing and running my own business. And to date, I have lost over 108 pounds.
It does not matter how long things have been this way in your life, today is the day that you can start to change. It just takes your unwavering commitment and one small action. Then repeat this step again tomorrow.
5. Create accountability for yourself. You cannot do this alone. (Trust me, I thought I could too!) You need people who know and support your efforts to keep you on track in this process. You need accountability that tomorrow you are going to keep pushing forward. You need people you can rely on when the going gets tough (because it will, that’s just life). You need someone to help you see things in a different way, to call you out on your excuses, and to keep you going when you’d rather give up.
Build yourself a support system, and let those who would question or undermine your efforts go along their way.
6. Don’t give in to the negative self-talk. My brain has this amazing talent wherein no matter what I do, it can point out all the ways in which I have failed. It tries desperately to convince me that I shouldn’t keep going; that it just wants me to be safe.
Phooey! That inner dialogue is what is keeping you stuck in the first place. You are in control of your mind, not the other way around. Choose to look at things in a different perspective. Choose to keep your options open and your dreams alive. When the negative discussion starts, choose to be stronger than your thoughts.
7. Open yourself to possibility. If you close yourself off to the world, you are going to miss a lot of amazing things. Part of this process is allowing those past pains, those old mindsets and preconceived notions go. You need to create a sort of blank slate within yourself to begin reconstructing how you see the world.
8. Be willing to let things go. One of the biggest gifts you can give yourself in this process is freedom. By releasing the burden of your stuff, you will find that there is plenty of time and space to create the life you want to live.
Clearing out the physical clutter in your personal space is a great place to start. Take it 15 minutes at a time, room by room. Start with small actions and get the momentum building. This doesn’t just apply to our physical possessions, but our emotional ones as well. Focus on the number of commitments you have in your life, the things you feel that you have to do. Start thinking about all the stuff in your life, and what you can do to begin clearing it away.
9. Take care of yourself first. In the never-ending race we have created out of our lives, the first person we always neglect is ourselves. You can’t wait for the world to quiet down before you start focusing on your own well-being. Keeping such a frantic pace only leaves you exhausted and not of much use to the people depending on you. To be of great service to others, you must first take care of yourself.
10. Stop and reflect along the way. When you start implementing the first nine points on this list, you may find yourself caught in the momentum of change. Time passes quickly in our lives, and as we grow and change so too does our vision of the life we want to live. Make sure that you take time to simply reflect on what you have accomplished, where you are at right now, and where you are headed—then plan some small action steps for tomorrow.
Stephanie Wetzel is a writer and entrepreneur on a mission to help women overcome their weight and create the life they want to live. She has lost over 100 pounds by changing her habits, mindsets, and lifestyle. She believes in the power of commitment over diets, and blogs about it on Trading Pounds. You can also keep up with her on Twitter.
Now!!!
4 Reasons to Take Action…Any Action… Right Now!
by Bob Miglani
I used to think there was a formula for life. Do X and Y happens. Being the Type A person that I am…or used to be, I believed that if you worked hard, you’ll succeed. That was it. And while this is still true to some extent, what forced me down a spiraling path of anxiety and stress was a strong sense of uncertainty in my job, career and increasingly in life.
From the economy to the job market to all the negative sentiments being talked about in the supermarket to the stock market. There is a feeling of uneasiness that I couldn’t help ignore.
So, I froze. Paralyzed by the problem of trying to predict an uncertain career, I was stuck and couldn’t figure out which way to move forward in my life and in my job.
Then something great happened and I took an unexpected trip with a friend to India and it changed my life forever. I was quite familiar with the country of a billion people but had a different lens as I found uncertainty everywhere.
Since that trip and over the last few years, I have been learning about how to deal with uncertainty in my life and in my career and have made remarkable progress towards adapting to this “new normal” by fully learning embrace the chaos!
In my journey, one of the most important lessons I learned is that I just HAVE TO MOVE FORWARD and TAKE ACTION.
Here are 4 Reasons to Take Action…Any Action Right Now:
1. There will NEVER be a perfect time.
Perfection is an illusion created by our mind to bring order where none exists. There will never, ever be the perfect time, the perfect circumstances, perfect job, perfect partner, friend or perfect moment. Life is imperfect and the world is beautifully flawed. I always used to think that I’ll jump in the game and change careers when my wife’s business takes off or when I’m presented with the right opportunity. But you just can’t predict WHEN that moment will happen. And so you do nothing. And doing nothing makes you feel helpless to the chaos out there causing greater tension and stress. By accepting the fact that life is imperfect and that there is no perfect time, it helped spur me to…jump in. As a result, we started my wife’s business in the midst of the economic meltdown in Oct. 2008 and I started pursuing a new project at work that has helped me grow
2. You can’t predict the future.
I used to over analyze, over think, over plan and try really hard to figure out how things will turn out BEFORE I moved forward with anything. But I realized that I was wrong more often that I was right. When you’re feeling trapped in a world of uncertainty, you feel as though you have no viable choices ahead on your path so you find yourself looking at the problem 10 different ways. And you pour over pros/cons that you’ve written up for taking a certain action. You ask tons of people for advice. But it gets you nowhere except more stress and anxiety because no one has a crystal ball for what the future will look like.
In my own journey, what I realized is that I’m really not that smart as to be able to make any future predictions legitimate. So why not move forward with something I want to do anyway? Who really knows if my business idea will be a success or a failure? Who really knows? I’ve got just as good a shot at being a success in this crazy world full of chaos and randomness, as anyone else. As long as I believe in it, that’s the future I’m willing to be on…my belief.
3. One thing always leads to another “What’s the point”, “Where will that get you?” “You’ll never make as much money doing that” are typical comments that you often hear when you share your pursuit of a dream with someone. And it can be discouraging…ok…it really can be downright depressing. But what I have increasingly realized is that in life, you cannot anticipate the consequences of even the smallest of steps forward. There are way too many variables to know the circumstances you’ll be in, following a step forward.
And so often, one step leads you to another unlikely, undiscovered thought or idea which leads you to another idea or a meeting, which leads you to a breakthrough in your life or your business. Think about how often randomness happens when you are out there trying something. A phone call from someone you met a while ago, a surprising email from a customer or a facebook request from an old friend or simply a smile that you get from someone you just met. Sometimes that initial step is all what is required to set in motion a whole new timeline of events being created to give you just the boost you need.
4. You feel better about life, almost immediately The fundamental problem of trying to manage uncertainty in life is that often inaction breeds anxiety. You feel like you have no control over the chaos of life. And that inaction becomes a spiral of stress, tension and anxiety. Even the smallest steps forward have made me feel better almost immediately because a little bit of the uncertainty starts to fade and give way to a little more clarity of the path ahead. Being able to see the path, however blurry is better than not seeing the path at all…because you’ll be on your way somewhere…on the journey. And you’ll get closer to real knowing. Taking action makes you feel better almost immediately also because you start feeling like you have control of your life.
In my own personal journey of learning to live with uncertainty, I have realized that action, however small not only makes me feel better about life but actually helps to put me in a place that I never thought possible…and in these days of uncertainty, possibilities are we are all after…isn’t it?
———————
Bob Miglani: Embrace the Chaos.com
Want to feel great every single week? NOW YOU CAN!
To start being more productive today, click here now to get your copy!
by Bob Miglani
I used to think there was a formula for life. Do X and Y happens. Being the Type A person that I am…or used to be, I believed that if you worked hard, you’ll succeed. That was it. And while this is still true to some extent, what forced me down a spiraling path of anxiety and stress was a strong sense of uncertainty in my job, career and increasingly in life.
From the economy to the job market to all the negative sentiments being talked about in the supermarket to the stock market. There is a feeling of uneasiness that I couldn’t help ignore.
So, I froze. Paralyzed by the problem of trying to predict an uncertain career, I was stuck and couldn’t figure out which way to move forward in my life and in my job.
Then something great happened and I took an unexpected trip with a friend to India and it changed my life forever. I was quite familiar with the country of a billion people but had a different lens as I found uncertainty everywhere.
Since that trip and over the last few years, I have been learning about how to deal with uncertainty in my life and in my career and have made remarkable progress towards adapting to this “new normal” by fully learning embrace the chaos!
In my journey, one of the most important lessons I learned is that I just HAVE TO MOVE FORWARD and TAKE ACTION.
Here are 4 Reasons to Take Action…Any Action Right Now:
1. There will NEVER be a perfect time.
Perfection is an illusion created by our mind to bring order where none exists. There will never, ever be the perfect time, the perfect circumstances, perfect job, perfect partner, friend or perfect moment. Life is imperfect and the world is beautifully flawed. I always used to think that I’ll jump in the game and change careers when my wife’s business takes off or when I’m presented with the right opportunity. But you just can’t predict WHEN that moment will happen. And so you do nothing. And doing nothing makes you feel helpless to the chaos out there causing greater tension and stress. By accepting the fact that life is imperfect and that there is no perfect time, it helped spur me to…jump in. As a result, we started my wife’s business in the midst of the economic meltdown in Oct. 2008 and I started pursuing a new project at work that has helped me grow
2. You can’t predict the future.
I used to over analyze, over think, over plan and try really hard to figure out how things will turn out BEFORE I moved forward with anything. But I realized that I was wrong more often that I was right. When you’re feeling trapped in a world of uncertainty, you feel as though you have no viable choices ahead on your path so you find yourself looking at the problem 10 different ways. And you pour over pros/cons that you’ve written up for taking a certain action. You ask tons of people for advice. But it gets you nowhere except more stress and anxiety because no one has a crystal ball for what the future will look like.
In my own journey, what I realized is that I’m really not that smart as to be able to make any future predictions legitimate. So why not move forward with something I want to do anyway? Who really knows if my business idea will be a success or a failure? Who really knows? I’ve got just as good a shot at being a success in this crazy world full of chaos and randomness, as anyone else. As long as I believe in it, that’s the future I’m willing to be on…my belief.
3. One thing always leads to another “What’s the point”, “Where will that get you?” “You’ll never make as much money doing that” are typical comments that you often hear when you share your pursuit of a dream with someone. And it can be discouraging…ok…it really can be downright depressing. But what I have increasingly realized is that in life, you cannot anticipate the consequences of even the smallest of steps forward. There are way too many variables to know the circumstances you’ll be in, following a step forward.
And so often, one step leads you to another unlikely, undiscovered thought or idea which leads you to another idea or a meeting, which leads you to a breakthrough in your life or your business. Think about how often randomness happens when you are out there trying something. A phone call from someone you met a while ago, a surprising email from a customer or a facebook request from an old friend or simply a smile that you get from someone you just met. Sometimes that initial step is all what is required to set in motion a whole new timeline of events being created to give you just the boost you need.
4. You feel better about life, almost immediately The fundamental problem of trying to manage uncertainty in life is that often inaction breeds anxiety. You feel like you have no control over the chaos of life. And that inaction becomes a spiral of stress, tension and anxiety. Even the smallest steps forward have made me feel better almost immediately because a little bit of the uncertainty starts to fade and give way to a little more clarity of the path ahead. Being able to see the path, however blurry is better than not seeing the path at all…because you’ll be on your way somewhere…on the journey. And you’ll get closer to real knowing. Taking action makes you feel better almost immediately also because you start feeling like you have control of your life.
In my own personal journey of learning to live with uncertainty, I have realized that action, however small not only makes me feel better about life but actually helps to put me in a place that I never thought possible…and in these days of uncertainty, possibilities are we are all after…isn’t it?
———————
Bob Miglani: Embrace the Chaos.com
Want to feel great every single week? NOW YOU CAN!
To start being more productive today, click here now to get your copy!
Regrets....
The Top Five Career Regrets
by Daniel Gulati
by Daniel Gulati | 8:00 AM December 14, 2012
What do you regret most about your career?
I had just finished a guest lecture on business and innovation at Parson's School for Design, and a particularly attentive front-row audience member kicked off question time with the curliest one of the day. I answered quickly with the hope of getting back on target. But judging from the scores of follow-up questions and the volume of post-lecture emails I received, a talk on career regret would have been the real bull's-eye.
Ever since that afternoon, I've been on a mission to categorically answer the awkward but significant question of exactly what we'd do if we could magically rewind our careers. The hope? That by exposing what others are most disappointed about in their professional lives, we're maximizing our chances of minimizing regret in our own.
To this end, I sat down with 30 professionals between the ages of 28 and 58, and asked each what they regretted most about their careers to date. The group was diverse: I spoke with a 39-year-old managing director of a large investment bank, a failing self-employed photographer, a millionaire entrepreneur, and a Fortune 500 CEO. Disappointment doesn't discriminate; no matter what industry the individual operated in, what role they had been given, or whether they were soaring successes or mired in failure, five dominant themes shone through. Importantly, the effects of bad career decisions and disconfirmed expectancies were felt equally across age groups.
Here were the group's top five career regrets:
1. I wish I hadn't taken the job for the money. By far the biggest regret of all came from those who opted into high-paying but ultimately dissatisfying careers. Classic research proves that compensation is a "hygiene" factor, not a true motivator. What was surprising, though, were the feelings of helplessness these individuals were facing. Lamented one investment banker, "I dream of quitting every day, but I have too many commitments." Another consultant said, "I'd love to leave the stress behind, but I don't think I'd be good at anything else." Whoever called them golden handcuffs wasn't joking.
2. I wish I had quit earlier. Almost uniformly, those who had actually quit their jobs to pursue their passions wished they had done so earlier. Variable reinforcement schedules prevalent in large corporations, the visibility of social media, and the desire to log incremental gains are three reasons that the 80% of people dissatisfied with their jobs don't quit when they know they should. Said one sales executive, "Those years could have been spent working on problems that mattered to me. You can't ever get those years back."
3. I wish I had the confidence to start my own business. As their personal finances shored up, professionals I surveyed yearned for more control over their lives. The logical answer? To become an owner, not an employee in someone else's company. But in the words of Artful Dodger, wanting it ain't enough. A recent study found that 70% of workers wished their current job would help them with starting a business in the future, yet only 15% said they had what it takes to actually venture out on their own. Even Fortune 500 CEOs dream of entrepreneurial freedom. Admitted one: "My biggest regret is that I'm a 'wantrepreneur.' I never got to prove myself by starting something from scratch."
4. I wish I had used my time at school more productively. Despite all the controversy currently surrounding student loans, roughly 86% of students still view college as a worthwhile investment. This is reflected in the growing popularity of college: In writing Passion & Purpose, my coauthors and I found that 54% of Millennials have college degrees, compared to 36% of Boomers. Although more students are attending college, many of the group's participants wished they had thoughtfully parlayed their school years into a truly rewarding first job. A biology researcher recounted her college experience as being "in a ridiculous hurry to complete what in hindsight were the best and most delightfully unstructured years of my life." After starting a family and signing up for a mortgage, many were unable to carve out the space to return to school for advanced study to reset their careers.
5. I wish I had acted on my career hunches. Several individuals recounted windows of opportunity in their careers, or as one professional described, "now-or-never moments." In 2005, an investment banker was asked to lead a small team in (now) rapidly growing Latin America. Sensing that the move might be an upward step, he still declined. Crushingly, the individual brave enough to accept the offer was promoted shortly to division head, then to CEO. Recent theories of psychology articulate the importance of identifying these sometimes unpredictable but potentially rewarding moments of change, and jumping on these opportunities to non-linearly advance your professional life.
Far from being suppressed, career regrets should hold a privileged place in your emotional repertoire. Research shows (PDF) that regret can be a powerful catalyst for change, far outweighing the short-term emotional downsides. As famed psychologist Dr. Neal Roese recently stated, "On average, regret is a helpful emotion." It can even be an inspiring one. But it means that we must articulate and celebrate our disappointments, understanding that it's our capacity to experience regret deeply, and learn from it constructively to ultimately frame our future success.
by Daniel Gulati
by Daniel Gulati | 8:00 AM December 14, 2012
What do you regret most about your career?
I had just finished a guest lecture on business and innovation at Parson's School for Design, and a particularly attentive front-row audience member kicked off question time with the curliest one of the day. I answered quickly with the hope of getting back on target. But judging from the scores of follow-up questions and the volume of post-lecture emails I received, a talk on career regret would have been the real bull's-eye.
Ever since that afternoon, I've been on a mission to categorically answer the awkward but significant question of exactly what we'd do if we could magically rewind our careers. The hope? That by exposing what others are most disappointed about in their professional lives, we're maximizing our chances of minimizing regret in our own.
To this end, I sat down with 30 professionals between the ages of 28 and 58, and asked each what they regretted most about their careers to date. The group was diverse: I spoke with a 39-year-old managing director of a large investment bank, a failing self-employed photographer, a millionaire entrepreneur, and a Fortune 500 CEO. Disappointment doesn't discriminate; no matter what industry the individual operated in, what role they had been given, or whether they were soaring successes or mired in failure, five dominant themes shone through. Importantly, the effects of bad career decisions and disconfirmed expectancies were felt equally across age groups.
Here were the group's top five career regrets:
1. I wish I hadn't taken the job for the money. By far the biggest regret of all came from those who opted into high-paying but ultimately dissatisfying careers. Classic research proves that compensation is a "hygiene" factor, not a true motivator. What was surprising, though, were the feelings of helplessness these individuals were facing. Lamented one investment banker, "I dream of quitting every day, but I have too many commitments." Another consultant said, "I'd love to leave the stress behind, but I don't think I'd be good at anything else." Whoever called them golden handcuffs wasn't joking.
2. I wish I had quit earlier. Almost uniformly, those who had actually quit their jobs to pursue their passions wished they had done so earlier. Variable reinforcement schedules prevalent in large corporations, the visibility of social media, and the desire to log incremental gains are three reasons that the 80% of people dissatisfied with their jobs don't quit when they know they should. Said one sales executive, "Those years could have been spent working on problems that mattered to me. You can't ever get those years back."
3. I wish I had the confidence to start my own business. As their personal finances shored up, professionals I surveyed yearned for more control over their lives. The logical answer? To become an owner, not an employee in someone else's company. But in the words of Artful Dodger, wanting it ain't enough. A recent study found that 70% of workers wished their current job would help them with starting a business in the future, yet only 15% said they had what it takes to actually venture out on their own. Even Fortune 500 CEOs dream of entrepreneurial freedom. Admitted one: "My biggest regret is that I'm a 'wantrepreneur.' I never got to prove myself by starting something from scratch."
4. I wish I had used my time at school more productively. Despite all the controversy currently surrounding student loans, roughly 86% of students still view college as a worthwhile investment. This is reflected in the growing popularity of college: In writing Passion & Purpose, my coauthors and I found that 54% of Millennials have college degrees, compared to 36% of Boomers. Although more students are attending college, many of the group's participants wished they had thoughtfully parlayed their school years into a truly rewarding first job. A biology researcher recounted her college experience as being "in a ridiculous hurry to complete what in hindsight were the best and most delightfully unstructured years of my life." After starting a family and signing up for a mortgage, many were unable to carve out the space to return to school for advanced study to reset their careers.
5. I wish I had acted on my career hunches. Several individuals recounted windows of opportunity in their careers, or as one professional described, "now-or-never moments." In 2005, an investment banker was asked to lead a small team in (now) rapidly growing Latin America. Sensing that the move might be an upward step, he still declined. Crushingly, the individual brave enough to accept the offer was promoted shortly to division head, then to CEO. Recent theories of psychology articulate the importance of identifying these sometimes unpredictable but potentially rewarding moments of change, and jumping on these opportunities to non-linearly advance your professional life.
Far from being suppressed, career regrets should hold a privileged place in your emotional repertoire. Research shows (PDF) that regret can be a powerful catalyst for change, far outweighing the short-term emotional downsides. As famed psychologist Dr. Neal Roese recently stated, "On average, regret is a helpful emotion." It can even be an inspiring one. But it means that we must articulate and celebrate our disappointments, understanding that it's our capacity to experience regret deeply, and learn from it constructively to ultimately frame our future success.
Monday, December 3, 2012
KL oh KL
After going through the KL traffic and arriving at the office, the philosophical side of me said " if someone ever said that he's ready for work after a vacation; he has not has a good vacation!'
Sunday, December 2, 2012
New Zealand Sweet As..
Well... after more than 20,000 km journey by air , boat and motorhome; 1000+ pics photoshopped with another 1000+ to go, tomorrow, i will resume my office duty. i should be rejuvenated, no looking back and fully energised to meet the demand of the work. but i don't have any plan.. you might be asking what the the title is all about- i'll try my best to put the travelog in the next few weeks and share some beautiful memories. For now, I am going to be ready for tomorrow. COMING SOON ... prequel to New Zealand Sweet As... Oily Kitchen, Wet Toilet... A Family's Journey to Down Down Under
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)